


Juno Steel and the growing coping structures and a support network

by CertifiedPissWizard



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Gen, Paranoia, Paranoid Delusions, Theia bullshittery, a vaguely optimistic ending, and in the end thats what matters, and it'll get better and worse and you're alive, because recovery from trauma and its effects, haha what if i projected again, isnt linear, ngl like this has just, so when the trauma gifts you paranoid delusions, the written version of a spiral, then you just gotta deal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27501478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CertifiedPissWizard/pseuds/CertifiedPissWizard
Summary: In which the author most definitely projects onto Juno Steel.
Relationships: Aurinko Crime Family & Juno Steel, Buddy Aurinko & Juno Steel, Jet Sikuliaq & Juno Steel, Peter Nureyev & Juno Steel, Rita & Juno Steel, Vespa Ilkay & Juno Steel
Comments: 3
Kudos: 54





	Juno Steel and the growing coping structures and a support network

**Author's Note:**

> as with my last paranoia projection fic there is surprisingly enough paranoia. there are also a few thought spirals going on here, written out in stream of consciousness. There's a little doubting of reality at one part. Stay safe.

He was getting better- he was getting better- he was getting better- he was getting- and then the THEIA. He didn’t feel the watched feeling as much and then it stopped under the THEIA spectrum even though it was watching constantly through his brain, and then he was too busy worrying about Hyperion to care too much about being watched- he was too tired to be scared every time that feeling came up. It was just a fact- his eye was gone again, there were cameras everywhere always watching, since he apparently “needed to rest a bit after losing your eye again, darling” he’d be poked and prodded some more by Vespa.

Then he was back in Hyperion and everything was wrong and what if all of this just wasn’t real and he was- it’s real he told himself. It’s real and Rita is here and it’s real and-

Cyclical thinking. The same thing over and over again until you can’t breathe and need to go home and hide somewhere where they can’t see you.

The THEIA tower gets destroyed, and Juno- he triggers himself a couple times a week sinking back into that paranoia- and what if the food is poisoned? What if the water in the pipes has been replaced with acid? What if his comms can read his mind?

The only reason it doesn’t shatter when he hurled it across the room was because it has a sturdy case. He couldn’t possibly care less at the time. When he’s doing better he cares, obviously. He didn’t care then, though. It was reading his mind like the THEIA did and what if he forgot Rita and-

He ends up hiding under the blankets again.

Then his city doesn’t feel right and itches at him.

The Carte Blanche is- there are a lot of people. Okay, not that many. The point is, though, if he gets hit with it and triggers himself then it would be harder to hide. Which- smart train of thought, Steel- triggers it. Of course. Nobody notices, though- which is good because what if- no that’s not actual smart thoughts. That’s paranoid gremlin thoughts- keep it together, Steel.

Vespa doesn’t like him, and she’s honest about it. Honestly, when he’s having one of those times she’s the best person to be around. He doesn’t have to wonder if they secretly hate him and want him dead. Vespa openly hates him and wants him maimed, and she won’t hurt him despite that. He spends a lot of time reading in the medbay- her domain and one nobody would fuck around in, not to hurt or put cameras or anything- when he gets like that. Of course Vespa catches on at some point, maybe one too many I’m fines while he’s curled up tight reading in the medbay out of the line of sight of the door and-

Vespa isn’t the sort of person to kick a lady while he’s down.

Sometimes Juno feels like his actions aren’t his and he’s just watching and-

He’s pretty sure Vespa rats him out to Buddy about it, because then Buddy fucking- just- she- she talks him through some of the fucking script she uses with Vespa. Private time and I don’t have to talk about the and-

What is Juno supposed to do with this? He can’t use it because he’s supposed to be better than to need it and- Gremlin brain. It’s probably not healthy to split his view of his thoughts like this, but-

Then, after about a month or so of “family bonding activities” like robbing banks and training and-

It’s a heist with Nureyev. Who hates him. And there are going to be cameras. Vespa helps him with the gown and she glowers and threatens and hands him a knife anyways. Maybe she can see the already half wild look in his eye at the idea of- cameras and Nureyev-now-Ransom who hates him with the cold icy sort- She helps with the makeup, too. She isn’t happy about it.

She isn’t the sort to kick a lady when he’s down, and sometimes she’s willing to offer a helping hand up. You just can’t mention it afterwards, because the only person Vespa is legally allowed to show fondness to is Buddy, and everyone knows that.

The gala is awful. Nova Zolotovna is a piece of shit- a bank for the megacoporations. There are cameras everywhere. He fucks up and everyone looks at him. It’s not a great time, is the point. It starts out bad and gets worse when he stops Nureyev from getting caught and there’s the camera and there are the people and Nureyev hates him and-

He ends up dancing with Nureyev, and it’s nice. A good distraction from the spiralling thoughts. Not that that stops gremlin brain from working in overtime, but still.

They get the globe and make their escape, and fuck. Juno may end up using “private time” because he needs a moment or twelve or 60. Nobody pushes. Buddy chews Nureyev-now-Ransom and him out afterwards. She’s a generous overlord like that. Juno doesn’t say thanks, because he’s pretty sure Buddy would kill him if he did, or worse yet she might say that he’s a person worthy of patience and compassion. Hearing that would probably kill him- maybe not always but definitely not when he’s still having to suck up his pride over needing private time.

Jet just up and tells Juno he’s proud of him for “using the resources and language available to make your life better. Change like this can be difficult, as can overcoming one’s pride.” Juno definitely doesn’t cry. He has a reputation to keep up. Jet, who has seen Juno cry multiple times, and who has most assuredly believed him none of the times Juno has said there was something in his eye, shows mercy and doesn’t even mention it.

Rita runs a stream by him before one of the family stream nights because she wants to make sure it won’t trigger anything, and Juno, always the classy lady, definitely just answers instead of crying because she’s being so considerate. She also definitely doesn’t hug him and tell him that it’s okay. None of that happens. The stream they watch is different from what was originally planned. That’s fine.

The talk with Nureyev about it is- well it’s really fucking awkward to say the very least. Nureyev is- he isn’t the most happy about Juno saying it, part concern part feeling untrusted. Juno says that that’s the point and that there are maybe two people who he’s okay with being around like that. One is Mick, who’s on Mars, and who’s ability to hurt Juno is horrifically tempered by his desire to tell Juno about his latest get rich scheme and his desire to make sure Juno is doing okay. The other is Vespa.

Nureyev gets it eventually.

Juno curls up under his blankets hyperventilating because the cameras are- his comms are off so he won’t throw them. He’s breathing. He can take as much time as he needs. It’s weird but nice, and who is Juno to complain?

It isn’t something that’s going to just go away. Otherwise he’d be completely free of it already. But there are supports in place, and that’s. That’s what matters. That’s what matters. That’s what- It’ll be, at the very least, decentish. That’s what matters.

**Author's Note:**

> anyways friendly reminder to not clown in any comments you make


End file.
